In its basic form Parental Alienation is when children are manipulated by a third party to feel unsafe, unloved and unwanted by the targeted parent. The targeted parent is the parent that the alienator – the third party – is seeking to distance from the child. Sometimes there is absolutely no contact with the child and sometimes there is contact, however, there is much coldness and condescending behavior of the alienated child towards the targeted parent. Additionally alienated children will often blame parents for not understanding or respecting them.
The alienator can be anyone: a spouse, an ex-spouse, a grandparent, in-law children, even school principals and community leaders. Their hold on their prey is especially compelling when they are also in a position of power and charismatic.
A major alienating tactic is excessive love. Love works as a drug in pulling in any person that the manipulator targets. He can use praise, money, friendship, or job title to entice the unsuspecting child to his or her influence.
With a little criticism toward the targeted parent and the child raised way up, the playing field is no longer balanced. What follows is the beginning of a parent-child rift.
These behaviors often come as a total shock to caring and loving parents. At first they begin to question their surroundings unaware that the minds of their children had been kidnapped against them. Usually by the time the targeted parent realizes that their child no longer feels affectionate towards them much damage has been done.
The pain the targeted parent feels is huge, crushing and life-altering. It often takes over their entire lives and leaves them floundering. What can be more painful for a mother than to lose the child she loves?
It’s important that if you are a targeted parent you do not feel that you are at fault. Do not add more scars to the stabs you have already endured. Look for support either by joining a support group or by speaking to one of the specialists in the field of parental alienation.
…. and know that you are not alone. You have our sympathies.